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Monday, December 1, 2014

A Constant Push for More

Once again, it has been almost an entire month since I came to this little corner of the internet. Life is still busy, but that isn't really what I want to write about today. Today I want to get the following thoughts out of my head.

As of last week I was trying really hard to make it to my yoga class, no I don't get to go very often so when I actually make it, it is something I look forward to. I was excited about being in my quiet place. That place I have found where I always push myself. But then I got there and I started being competitive. Mainly with just myself, but with others also. I would catch myself sneaking a look at the people next to me, wanting to hold the poses just a little while longer, wanting to bend deeper or stretch further. Now don't get me wrong competition is good, healthy even. It is great for encouraging yourself, pushing yourself past your limits, and always improving on the things you do.

But when does it become more than that?

When does the constant pushing of yourself become too much? Does pushing yourself always ever get in the way of just living? I had all intentions of enjoying my yoga practice that night, but instead I got caught up in all of it instead of enjoying myself and making the most of that precious time. I struggle with slowing down, mainly because I feel guilty about not staying busy. Even tonight I felt the need to write instead of just relax. I find it extremely easy to get lost in the hustle of the everyday. I want to succeed, not just in work or play, but in life. I want to figure out my purpose here, and even though I love my job and all that I do, I want to know why I am on this planet. What my soul is pushing me towards. Why do I feel the need to be going, going, going?

I am going to try to find the answer in the slow spots. The quiet moments with just my thoughts, my prayers. I do really well with these moments early in the morning. I always feel so much better when I take the time to have those moments.

That is what I am working on now. Love to you all.
 xoxo, Montana

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