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Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Oh yeah, I want a puppy.

Andy Cohen Inspired

Who could have thought a diary written by the most awesome man on Bravo television would inspire me to write a blog post today? I sure didn't. After listening to the book, The Andy Cohen Diaries, A Deep Look at a Shallow Year, all day I sat down just wanting to document and here I am.

Lately podcasts and audiobooks have ruled my life. I have especially been drawn to biographies, stories about everyday people who worked their butts off to make it in this world. Of course these people are usually the most interesting to me and I mainly love the easy listens that don't get to deep and keep the mood light. Occasionally I will listen to more of a story but usually they all have an underlying truth to them. I have always loved stories that are more real life than sci-fi.

And isn't that too what this blog is supposed to be for me? A place to read and look back on later so that I remember all these things. The little things, the big things, because lord knows I can't remember them on my own (just ask my sister). It will be pretty cool to see it all again someday. Some sort of online diary where I explain the crazy things that happened or the very boring things that happen. I am writing this for me anyway. I guess it is pretty weird that we just put all this out onto the internet. A big wide world for people to read and judge and wonder why she would even say or think those things. I guess I could just write and keep it to myself, but where is the fun in that?

So today, I drove and drove and drove some more. I actually got a good bit done work wise and came home to finish up my work with hot tea on the back porch in this unusually warm weather. Today has been a good one. I am heading to Awana at church later and I am excited to see those little ones and play some fun Christmas games. Andy is all about some Christmas spirit, and although I do love the idea of Christmas, for some reason this year I just can't wrap my head around it all. I don't even want to put up a tree at this point. Maybe I will cave sooner or later, but right now I feel ok about not having one. I am a summertime girl through and through and something about all the brown surrounding me has me weird about the weather. Maybe it is because I know the cold is coming. Who knows. Maybe my Christmas spirit is failing me because I feel like it got here too quickly. That I didn't get near what I wanted to accomplished this year and now it is all over.

Anyways, I am thankful for these moments to myself this afternoon. These moments to write it all out to whoever might be reading and get it out of my head and onto a screen. Life is good right now, I am blessed beyond what I deserve and happy with where I stand. Thankful. Maybe that is what I should pay the most attention to this season. How thankful I am for all that I have.

Thanks for sticking with the ramble. Maybe one day this blog will be cohesive. Who am I kidding? I am not even cohesive.

xoxo, Montana

Monday, December 1, 2014

A Constant Push for More

Once again, it has been almost an entire month since I came to this little corner of the internet. Life is still busy, but that isn't really what I want to write about today. Today I want to get the following thoughts out of my head.

As of last week I was trying really hard to make it to my yoga class, no I don't get to go very often so when I actually make it, it is something I look forward to. I was excited about being in my quiet place. That place I have found where I always push myself. But then I got there and I started being competitive. Mainly with just myself, but with others also. I would catch myself sneaking a look at the people next to me, wanting to hold the poses just a little while longer, wanting to bend deeper or stretch further. Now don't get me wrong competition is good, healthy even. It is great for encouraging yourself, pushing yourself past your limits, and always improving on the things you do.

But when does it become more than that?

When does the constant pushing of yourself become too much? Does pushing yourself always ever get in the way of just living? I had all intentions of enjoying my yoga practice that night, but instead I got caught up in all of it instead of enjoying myself and making the most of that precious time. I struggle with slowing down, mainly because I feel guilty about not staying busy. Even tonight I felt the need to write instead of just relax. I find it extremely easy to get lost in the hustle of the everyday. I want to succeed, not just in work or play, but in life. I want to figure out my purpose here, and even though I love my job and all that I do, I want to know why I am on this planet. What my soul is pushing me towards. Why do I feel the need to be going, going, going?

I am going to try to find the answer in the slow spots. The quiet moments with just my thoughts, my prayers. I do really well with these moments early in the morning. I always feel so much better when I take the time to have those moments.

That is what I am working on now. Love to you all.
 xoxo, Montana

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